Harvesting Haibuns #1

    Headphones

                                 Putting them on, I watch the world around me come to life 

                                 with uninvited purpose. The rhythm and beat of the music 

                                 begins to coincide with the movements of the world around

                                 me. I receive looks of confusion and disdain, but they are 

                                 only a glitch in the half hour long music video that is my 

                                 walk to the gym.

Back and forth

Cherishing the peace

Before the tornado

   Bad Habits

                                  It doesn’t discriminate, but always causes the same effect. 

                                  Shelving my resolve, even momentarily, I succumb to the 

                                  unspoken threats of isolation.

The pond is calm

Waiting for a pebble

I throw the first

 B.A.M.

Conversations #4: Homecoming

Mac: “…And then in the morning she just slipped out before I woke up, and I never saw her again.”

Meghan: “Oh my god!”

Olivia: “That’s so terrible! Without even a goodbye…”

Emma: “You poor thing!”

Mac: “Well, she did leave a little note on this scrap of paper on her pillow. It was the first thing I saw when I woke up.”

Brianna: “Oh my God!! What’d it say??”

Olivia: “Well???”

Mac: “It just said ‘I’ll love you always.’ And there was a little mark on it, like a teardrop fell there.”

Girls Collectively: “AWWWWWW—!!!!”

Damien: “YOO MAC!!! MAH BOY!!”

Theo: “Hey, Mac! What’s good man?!”

Ray: “Heyy girls! Lemme get in on this group—. Hey! What, no one wants a hug anymore??”

Emma: “Umm…”

Damien: “Oh, hey Meghan. How you been?”

Meghan: “Hmph—like you care!”

Olivia: “Well then, bye Mac! Are we still on for lunch tomorrow?”

Mac: “Alright, see you guys later! And yeah, definitely.”

Brianna: “And we’re still gonna go to the football game Sunday right?”

Mac: “Yeah, of course! I already got the face paint haha.”

Girls Collectively: “Byeee.”

Theo: “Man, look at this kid! First day back and he already got his whole week filled up!”

Ray: “How do you do it man? You can’t just keep them all to yourself, come on!”

Damien: “What was her problem?? Did you see that? Man, you scream the wrong name once…”

Mac: “Hahah! Ahh, I missed you guys! How’ve your summers been? Did anything happen while I was away?”

Ray: “Nah, nothin' could happen without you man! What were you saying about a girl leaving a note though…?”

Mac: “Eh. Well, while I was in Holland over the summer I met this Brazilian girl—“

Ray: “Wait…”

Damiem: “…What?”

Mac: “Yeah, I know. The same company flew us both out there for the internship. But anyway, yeah, we just kinda started going out, and then...she split.”

Damien: “Damn.”

Theo: “I feel your pain, man. I feel your pain.”

Ray: “Haha, how?”

Damien: “Theo, what you do? Something happen in Australia?”

Theo: “Well…kinda. I mean, it wasn’t exactly in Australia—“

Ray: “Just say it man!”

Theo: “Okay, okay! My girlfriend broke up with me too.”

Damien & Mac: “WHAT???”

Ray: “Pshh, yeah right. We know you don’t have a girlfriend.”

Theo: “I know I don't. But I did, really!”

Damien: “Are you serious?”

Theo: “Yeah.”

Mac: “For how long?”

Theo: “Just under 2 years-ish?”

Mac: “How did you not tell us??”

Ray: “Wait, what! You’re serious??”

Damien: “YES Ray, he’s serious! Look into his eyes, man!”

Ray: “Who is it??”

Theo: “Was. And you don’t know her, she went to a different school.”

Ray: “Dammit Theo! I can’t believe this!”

Damien: “Yo, chill, chill! She already broke up with him. You can’t just kick him when he’s down.”

Mac: “Yeah…so what happened with you two?”

Theo: “Eh…it’s not worth mentioning. Just some stupid stuff.”

Ray: “Do we at least get a name?”

Theo: “Denise.”

Damien: “I know a few girls named Denise…sluts, all of ‘em.”

Theo: “Thanks, Damien.”

Ray: “Okay, okay, never mind. Look guys, it’s a new year anyway. You’re both back at school with females all over the place. I don’t even gotta tell Mac!”

Mac: “Haha, hey man, what can I say? Hahah, nah, just kidding.”

Theo: “You do work fast dude. What’s your secret? Help a heartbroken dude out man!”

Mac: “I don’t really have a secret. I’m just friends with a lot of girls, and they always wanna do stuff with me. No Ray, don’t even—!”

Ray: “We already know what they wanna do man! Hahaha, don’t be shy!”

Mac: “Pshh. But yeah, I guess the ‘friends first’ thing works pretty well. That’s how Laura and I met.”

Damien: “Who?”

Theo: “His Brazilian.”

Ray: “I don’t know man, that doesn’t really work though.”

Mac: “Yeah it does. How?”

Ray: “Because then you get friend-zoned, and when you wanna ask them out—”

Theo: “They say no ‘because I don’t want it to ruin our friendship.’”

Ray: “Exactly! What kinda crap is that??”

Damien: “Yeahh, but sometimes they got a point though.”

Theo: “What?? How?”

Damien: “Yo, chill! I’m just sayin’; I’ve dated girls who I wished I’d just stayed friends with.”

Mac: “Yeah, me too. Getting friendzoned is the worst though, I gotta admit.”

Damien: “Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

Ray: “Yo, but how about when a girl dumps you, but says ‘but let’s still be friends!’!?”

Theo: “That’s exactly what happened to me!”

Damien: “Awww man, I HATE that ish! What’s she thinking, everything’s just gonna be all chill now while she’s goin’ around with some other dude?”

Theo: “Exactly! ‘Hey, yeah, sure! I don’t mind! Call you later? Pshh, no problem!’”

Ray: “And if you say no, you look like a prick. It’s just messed up, man. And then you gotta walk around and act like you’re happy to see her. 'Oh, hey! Hahaha. I don't hate you at all!'”

Damien: “What you thinking Mac?”

Mac: “I don’t know dude…I wouldn’t mind seeing her again.”

Theo: “Well, your girl just walked out randomly, so it's kinda different...”

Ray: “Dude! Shut up!”

Mac: “Hah, nah, it’s all good. I hate being friends with exs too—I’m actually not really with any of mine anymore. But I don’t know man…this one’s different.”

Damien: “What was her name?”

Mac: “Laura.”

Ray: “Hey man, you never know. You might see her again someday randomly.”

Theo: “Hah, just vacationing in Brazil one year and then ‘Whoa! Laura?? Mann,  you still look good!”

Mac: “Hahaha! Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m gonna say! You know me so well dude! Hah.”

Damien: “Yo, sorry, but I’m starving. You guys wanna hit up Rocco’s?”

Theo: “Ahh, dude! I miss Rocco’s!”

Ray: “Oh, man. Let’s go! Vinny always hooks it up.”

Damien: “Nah, man, that’s just 'cause Ang is always with us.”

Theo: “What?? Nahh, Vinny’s like family!”

Damien: “I’m tellin’ you man, he got a thing for Ang! And she hates him too.”

Theo: “Agh, you can never tell with her. She’s a habitual liar man, I’m tellin ya—“

Ray: “Yeah, yeah, and she’s always mean to you, and she always pretends to be nice to everyone when she isn’t. You gotta stop whining all the time dude.”

Theo: “But it’s true! You just can’t tell because she’s so good at faking it!”

Mac: “Haha, well she better be. Let’s swing by her house on the way and see if she wants to come.”

Damien: “And get her to wear those leggings, man; I’m looking for an Extra Large, you feel me?”

Mac: “Man, it’s good to be home!”

B.A.M.

Worth Cherishing

It’s like the older we get, the more cautious we are.

When we’re young, we’ll say anything to anyone.

It’s like the older we get, the stupider we feel.

When we’re young, we know everything.

It’s like the older we get, the more stressed we are.

When we’re young, stress is missing our favorite cartoon.

It’s like the older we get, the more easily we fall into depression.

When we’re young, finding little joys is so easy.

It’s like the older we get, the angrier we become.

When we’re young, bad thoughts are forgotten with a cookie.

It’s like the older we get, the more cynical we turn.

When we’re young, everything is a constant wonder.

It’s like the older we get, the more realistic we are.

When we’re young, we live in our imagination.

It’s like the older we get, we become more aware of everything around us.

When we’re young, innocence is our strongest protector.

It’s like the older we get, the more we miss our childhood.

When we’re young, all we want to be is older.

STOP THE MADNESS!!!

B.A.M.

 

Conversations #3: And The Winner Is...

“Hey Damien! What’s up?”

“Whaat? Hey Ang!  Come ‘ere girl! What’re you doing here? I didn’t know you liked basketball.”

“Oh, I don’t. I’m just here to see Sasha play. She’s number 14.”

“Yeah, I know. She’s been crazy today; they already have 20 points!”

“Wow. So why are you here?”

“I dunno. I always liked basketball, and our women’s team is actually good.”

“Yeah, the men kinda suck.”

“Yeah, I know. But um, I’m really just here to see this girl that I’ve kinda been talkin’ to.”

“Oooo, really? Who is it?”

“That one, number 11.”

“What’s her name?”

“Cynthia. Wave back.”

“Ooo, she’s so pretty! Hey!”

“Yeah, she’s cool.”

“So how’s it going with you guys?”

“Eh. It’s alright.”

“What?”

“Ehh, I don’t know…she’s just playing all these stupid little games, and it’s starting to get on my nerves, for real.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno. Just like waiting for me to text her first, not answering me on Facebook all day, and then when I see her she’s all ‘Baby, I missed you! Mwah mwah!’ It’s like ‘Then why didn’t you answer me when I texted you four hours ago??’ It’s messed up, man. Why do girls do that?”

”I don’t know Damien…girls are just stupid sometimes, I guess.”

“Hah, not all you guys…it’s just like—! Alright, check this out. So before she left this morning—“

“Huh?”

“What?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh. So she was over last night, right?”

“Ohhhh. Okay, I gotcha.”

“Haha, danggg Ang. Come on, I know you ain’t that innocent.”

“No, no, I get it.”

“Alright. So when she left this morning she told me to come see her play today, right?”

“Right.”

“So I was like ‘Okay, cool.’ But I forgot what time it was at. So I text her, ‘Hey, what time’s your game again?’”

“Uh huh…”

“And she doesn’t text me back ‘til 10 minutes before the game starts. Yeah, exactly. I’m just like shoveling all my food down my throat, had to tell Courtney I’d get back at her later—“

“Courtney who?”

“Lesse.”

“Eww.”

“Heyy, don’t judge! Anyway, I’m literally running across campus to get here to see her walk out, and then when I get here I got an extra so I run to the bathroom, and I crash into her in the hallway!”

“Woww.”

“Yeahh man, she was pissed. She starts going off at me like “I thought you cared about me. I thought it was real this time.”

“Oh my God. How do you even get in these situations?”

“I don’t know! They just come after me, I’m helpless.”

“HAHA, riiiight…”

“Hah, what?”

“You dooo kinda play a lot of girls too.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Damien. Since the semester started you’ve literally brought eight different girls with you to Rocco’s to eat with us.”

“What? Some of those girls were just friends!”

“I hear what you and Ray say about them when you think you guys are whispering.”

“Hahhh! But nah, nah, It’s totally different.”

“How’s it different?”

“This is just some stuff every girl does ‘cause she thinks it’s cute or some ish. I bet you do it too.”

“I do not play with guys.”

“Yeah, but I’m talking about messing with them.”

“Really Damien?”

“Hahaha. Yeah! Don’t even act like you don’t either.”

“I don’t!”

“How about Mac?”

“What about him?”

“Girl…You definitely like him, it’s so obvious.”

“I do not…”

“Uh huh…”

“Well, so what if I did? I still don’t mess with him.”

“But you don’t say nothing. How’s he supposed to know you like him?”

“I don’t know…I drop hints. He should figure it out.”

“See! That’s exactly what I’m talkin’ about! What’s up with all this hint-dropping stuff man? Why can’t you just be straight and be like ‘Hey dude, I like you. Let’s go out.”

“I don’t know—why can’t he ask me??”

 “Whys he have to be the one asking you though?”

“I don’t know; that’s just how it is! I’m not the only one who does it.”

“I know, I know, chill! I’m just sayin’, it’s kinda messed up how it is.”

 “Well…I mean, no girl wants a guy who can’t grow a pair and ask them out.”

“Haha, damnnn.”

“Besides, we’re the ones who have to reject you guys; that’s really hard.”

“Haha bs.”

“What??”

“You heard me! That’s some BS right there foo! You think it’s harder for you to turn a guy down than for you—I mean, than for him to get turned down?”

“I never said it was harder—just hard.”

“Maaan, you don’t even know what you’re talkin’ about anymore.”

“Well then why do you play so many girls if it’s so hard for them huh??”

“Relax, relax! They already know what they’re getting into. Besides…you know Mac gets a lotta girls too, right?”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t mess around with them like you do.”

“Psh, it just looks that way; trust me, Mac gets it in. We’re all the same, I’m tellin’ you.”

“Hm. Yeah, well, I’m gonna go back to my suite. Hope you have fun with your new girrll.”

“Huh. Alright, cool, I definitely will. Actually, you can tell her yourself tonight at Rocco’s; I’m bringing her.”

“…Kay, bye.”

B.A.M.

Typical V-Day

            I yawned, stretched, and headed for the window. Leaning against it I imagined I looked somewhat like a silhouette of restlessness, a painting yearning to burst free from the confines of its frame. As I opened the window and peered out of it, I was lazily greeted by a butterfly (with turquoise wings) landing square on my nose! I involuntarily felt my arms flail about in response to some unknown fear of butterflies, first slapping it away and then immediately cursing myself for having touched it. Amidst all of the commotion I heard soft footsteps approaching me, creaking along the old wooden floorboards of our cottage. In a flurry of arms and legs I whirled around too quickly for my own good, stepping on my amazingly soft cotton PJs and consequently slipping and slamming back-first onto the cool, hard floor. There I lay, still as a corpse. My thoughts fought unenthusiastically over whether I was to play dead or stand and fight my last battle. After what seemed to be a good couple hours I cracked and threw open my eyelids in a wild eyelid-throwing frenzy. Poring over me with a smile only innocence can manage was my ridiculously small 8 year-old niece, Amber.

“HAPPY VALENTINES DAY UNCLE BRENT!!” She dove down and ruthlessly tackled my head, encasing it in a baby-bear hug in an instant.

“Mmmfff…mmff mff!”

“I love you too, Uncle. Hey, how’d your face get all purpley like that?”

Happy Valentines Day! Whether you’re in love or being suffocated.

B.A.M.

Conversations #2: Best Friends

“Yo man, what do you think makes a true friend?”

“A true friend? …Well, you know, someone that has your back no matter what, I guess. Why?”

“I don’t know; I was just thinking it over, and I realized that I don’t think I’ve ever had a real best friend.”

“Really? Well, a best friend is different, right? A best friend is like, the closest of the close, you know? A true friend can just be a normal close friend—if a close friend is even normal anyway, haha.”

“Hah, yeah, I guess that’s true. It’s just like, I’ve always—well, almost always—had friends that had my back…well, maybe not really…I’m not really sure about anything anymore Mac. I don’t know man.”

“Hmm. Well, I think you’d pretty much know if you had a best friend. But the thing is, not everyone has ‘em, and it seems like only the people who really need one don’t have one.”

“And what’s up with people saying they have like five and six and seven best friends? It’s called a best friend, you know? It’s like, the best.”

“Hah, yeah, that’s kinda stupid. I think it’s really just so people don’t have to choose and make the rest of their friends feel bad.”

“That’s what I’m thinking. But anyway, what were you saying?”

“Well—and I’m just thinking this, it isn’t anything real, like…anyway—I think the people that have best friends are kinda the spoiled ones. It takes—at least, I think so—years to build up a friendship to the point where you have a real best friend."
"Definitely; people who think they're best friends after a few months just throw the words around."
"Exactly. But by that time, you’ve already had this friend for so long that you’re already starting to take them for granted. I know with my boy Jack, we grew up together, so we’ve been around for a lot of each others stuff. Because we think we know each other so well (and we pretty much do) I just stop caring if some things get on his nerves sometimes because I know we’ll bounce right back from it. It gets pretty bad sometimes, and he does it too. In the end though, we’ve been friends since kindergarten, so I think it just works out that way.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah. But the people who don’t have one and really need one are kinda stuck, because it happens over time and kinda randomly. Like, you can’t just go up to someone and automatically be best friends, you know? You might hit it off or whatever, but it wouldn’t be on the same level as a real best friend. So those people who need a best friend now—whether they’re depressed, lonely or anything else—are kind of just stuck like that.”

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about Mac...It’s like the worst thing possible to be like that.”

“Yeah…I don’t even know.”

“What you were saying before, though…about what you were saying about bouncing back, I think sometimes you can cross the line when you get too used to each other. I think that’s what happened with my old best friend.”

“What? Wait, so you did have a best friend?”

“Well, yeah, I guess…but my mind kinda blocks him out most of the time, so I usually forget he’s even around anymore.”

“Wait, what do you mean ‘your mind blocks him out?’ What happened?”

“Eh, it’s basically what you were saying; we were best friends since legit third grade man. I almost never went over to his house, but we chilled so much we started sounding alike.”

“Like, your actual voices sounded the same?”

“Nah, like our speech patterns and stuff. Like, we’d say a sentence the exact same way. And we made the same weird sound effects, and laughed at most of the same stuff.”

“Wow. You guys were tight, huh?”

“Yeah man, exactly. And the same thing you were sayin’ started happening: I stopped caring so much about what I said and how I acted around him ‘cause I knew we’d always be tight. I’d just get really comfortable and say some stupid stuff, and I could see that he got annoyed sometimes and I’d always apologize, but not really seriously, because it was all kinda like a joke to me…”

“So what happened man?”

“Just one day there was this huge fight—not a real fight, but like an emotional fight—between me and another one of our friends. It was nasty, like real bad. And when I looked around to see where my bro was, I saw him on the other side, and he wouldn’t even look at me.”

“…That’s terrible, man. I don’t even really know what to say.”

“Yeah…I didn’t either. I haven’t talked to him since, and I don’t really ever plan on it.”

“…I mean, it’s not good to harbor any grudges or anything like that, but…”

“Yeah, I know…it’s just one of those times when you actually realize what it’s like to really hate someone man, and to be really depressed. Mad depressed.”

“Yeah…I mean…”

“That’s why I think it’s kinda a double-edged sword, man…people with best friends don’t usually know how well they got it, and then they mess it up, and it’s almost like it was never worth it in the first place…”

B.A.M.

Lightning

Shoulders slowly slump

Heavy hearts weigh on the Soul

Ambition lays lost.

Sudden sparks strike swift

Leaving large loads in limbo

Flames fight future fears.

A turtle transforms

A baby hare races by

Gravity forsakes. 

Fury forsakes wit

Lamentations charge the world

Shadows engulf hope. 

Sparks innately dwell

Giving creation purpose

And the chance for change.

 B.A.M.

Conversations #1: Fishing

“Dude, watch out for the stop sign!” 

“I stopped at the last one. How am I supposed to get somewhere if I’m not moving half the time??”

“Agh, whatever.”

“Hey, by the way, I meant to tell you: Me and a couple of the guys are hitting the bars tonight around 10. You wanna come?”

“What guys?”

“Hector and Joey, and maybe a couple girls from Eastwood.”

“Nah, I’ll pass.”

“What, you don’t like Eastwood girls? Come on man, give ‘em a shot—“

“Nah man, I just don’t like going to bars. Besides, I don’t drink anyway.”

“Then have a freakin’ Sprite Theo! Come on, you always do this to me; last weekend Joey blacked out before we left, Hector got shot down by this Russian chick he tried to hit on and hid in the bathroom crying for an hour, and I was stuck talking to this creepy old lady that said she’d curse my family forever if I didn’t ‘keep the shots comin’ nice and hot.’ I need you man!”

“Haha, you’re really selling this Ray.”

“Shut up. Hey, you got $5?”

“Yeah, I got you.”

“Thanks. They jack up the damn prices every summer.”

“I guess I wouldn’t know; I don’t really come here that much.”

“That’s what I’m talking about man. You gotta get out more and enjoy life once in a while! And make sure your door closes—slam it.”

“Done. But I’m fine man, really. I’ll probably just head back and read a book, maybe finish this videogame I’m about to beat.”

“Theo, staying in to play a videogame on a Friday night? Seriously? What’re you doing with your life man?”

“Haha, I love my life foo. I just don’t like going out that much, especially if I’m gonna be just standing around doing nothing.”

“Alright. Well you know, I really could care less—“

“Couldn’t care less.”

“Like I was saying, I could care less what you do. I mean, I care, but—“

“I know, I know.”

“Yeah. But a few of us were chilling yesterday, and everyone basically thinks you either hate them or you’re depressed.”

“What? Why??”

“Because you never chill with us.”

“Ray, I’m chilling with you right now.”

“You know what I mean; when the whole group goes out and chills.”

“I don’t know…it gets mad loud, Bens always drunk, Joey always starts singing that stupid Taylor Swift song…”

“Come onn, do the right thing!”

“Hold up. Since when was staying in wrong? You stay in sometimes.”

“Well, yeah, but not as much as you.”

“Well everyone’s different man! You like to go out and party, I like to stay in and chill. You like to do Jell-O shots off old voodoo ladies—“

“Hey! It was just that once!”

“—and I like to read a book or play some games. We all do our own stuff.”

“Maybe. I dunno; it’s probably just the people we chill with. Everyone goes out now, but back at Western and even the first couple years of GHS, staying at home on the weekends was never that big a deal. But now it’s all about the clubs and bars, man.”

“Yeah man, what happened to those days? It used to be so chill back then. Now you always gotta watch your back for who’s looking at you, what people are saying behind your back—all that. It’s even worse than high school man.”

“Yeah, I know. You know what? I never really started going out ‘till everyone else did. I wasn’t even being pressured or anything man; it was just all the stories everyone had the next day, and you got to meet mad people that I never even saw before.”

“They’re probably there for the same reasons as you, man. And it sticks them all together, like it’s the only thing they have in common.”

“Maybe. All I know is, I see those looks you get dude.”

“The weird ones?”

“Yeah man, like people just wanna look in your head and see what you’re thinking, see what’s wrong. It’s like they’re tryin’ to figure you out.”

“That’s the thing Ray—nothing’s wrong. But no one ever mans up enough to really ask me and find out. It wasn’t like this in Australia, man…”

“What?”

“Nothing. Anyway, I miss those days growing up when we’d just chill on Friday nights, order some pizza and play some Smash, or Mario Party.”

“Man, that’s legendary stuff right there.”

“Yo, why don’t you come over tonight? I have my old GameCube at the apartment, and we can split a couple pizzas. Yo, it’ll be like the old days!”

“Hah, sorry man. I really want to, but you know I forgot how to play years ago…hey, is that guy fishing?”

“Yeah…that’s kinda weird, I didn’t know you were allowed to fish at the beach.”

“You probably aren’t. Hey, you ever wonder why fishermen go through all the trouble of buying worms to catch fish? They should just stick a twig or something on the hook instead; the fish would never be able to tell the difference.”

B.A.M.