“You know what I hate the most Damien?”
“Nah, what?”
“Girls.”
“Girls?”
“Yep.”
“…”
“What?”
“Ray, I see you trying to get with a girl every single day. What the heck are you talkin’ about man??”
“I mean, yeah, I’ll be hitting on girls all day every day! Hahah. I just
meant, I can’t deal with that dating and relationship crap.”
“Ahhhh. Yeah bro, I feel you on that one. The dating game is bs.”
“See? Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. I’ll never deal with that crap.”
“Never? Don’t you wanna get married and have a family and everything?”
“Eh, I’ll adopt. Hah!”
“Forreal though??”
“Eh, I dunno man. I just really don’t wanna go—“
“AWWW, COME ON!! THAT WAS HOLDING REF!! #&@%&!!!”
“—worth it.”
“What?? Couldn’t hear you; the fool with the face paint was goin’ crazy.”
“Ohh. I just said I don’t really wanna go through all that again, it’s
just not worth it.”
“Ohh. Ray, don’t tell me you’re gonna let one female get to you like that. Come on homie.”
“I don’t know man. We’ll see what happens.”
“Alright look down there for a second. See all those cheerleaders down
there, with their short skirts and 40 pounds of makeup?”
“Yeah?”
“How many of ‘em do you think want to be with a good dude?”
“Probably all of them.”
“Exactly. Now, out all those—there’re like 30 down there— how many do you
think are gonna last past graduation?”
“How many relationships?”
“Yeah.”
“Uhhh…I dunno, probably like two or three? Haha.”
“Hah, exactlyyy my dude! That’s what I’m sayin’. And why do you think
that is?”
“I don’t know. Maybe they’re just stupid.”
“Well, yeah, some of ‘em. But really though, these girls just be expecting
too much. And not just cheerleaders, but all girls our age. “
“Man, tell me about it.”
“Like, dang, we’re only human! You know what I mean?”
“Yeah man exa—“
“A SACK?? WHAT THE HELL!!! COME ON RUTHESSNOFER!! GET YOUR S***
TOGETHER!!!”
“—dudes are better.”
“What?!?”
“What?? I just said ‘exactly. I used to think girls were more chill, but
dudes are better.”
“OH. Man, we gotta move.”
“Nahh, come on dude, I’m too lazy.”
“Hah, you bum. Aiight then. So you really wouldn’t wanna do the whole
family thing?”
“Nah, I mean, I wanna have kids though, but not really a wife.”
“Man, that’s crazy my dude.”
“Yeah, well…Okay, so I think about it like this. I’d rather have a best
friend to chill with my whole life—just chilling, smoking, goin’ out, maybe
find a place to rent in NYC together (pause)—and all that— just living our
lives, basically—than be held down by a girl that’s always asking me where I
am, what I’m doin’, who I’m with, blah blah blah.”
“Ahh, aiight. I can kinda see where you’re coming from.”
“Yeah man. Like, who really wants that? I just wanna chill man. Get a
good job as a Physical Therapist or maybe teaching physical therapy or
something, get a nice middle-sized house, couple cars, couple dogs—“
“Hahaha! You and your pets mann. You gonna have like a whole zoo, huh?”
“Haha, nahh. Just a couple dogs, a snake probably…maybe a something
weird, like a ferret!”
“A ferret? What even is that?
“I’ll show you when we get back to the suite.”
“Aiight then.”
“But yeah, man. I Just wanna live a normal, middle-class kinda life. Oh,
and eventually open that—“
“TOOUUCHHHHDOWWWNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!”
“SHUT UP YOU FAT PIECE OF—“
“WOAH, woah, Damien, chill man, chill. It’s all good.”
“Nah man! This guy—!”
“YOU WANNA GO BRAH?? HUH?? DO YA???”
“Yo, CHILL OUT man! Dame, let’s be out.”
“I’ll whup his ass. You don’t think I can?”
“I know you can, but you already got suspended once.”
“I don’t care, man. It’s dudes like these that—”
“YEAH, YOU BETTER RUN AWAY.”
“—get on their knees more.”
“Yeah, he’s definitely gay, dude. At least we got outta there—yo, let’s
sit down there.”
“What? Gay?? Why you think he was gay?”
“’Cause he was making out with some dude whenever he wasn’t shouting.
You didn’t see ‘em?”
“Ohhhh.”
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